


Mistakes Always

by LycanCoffee



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Night Terrors, Nobody Actually Dies, Short, burn babey burn, lucretia keeps it together but like at what cost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 16:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15822969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LycanCoffee/pseuds/LycanCoffee
Summary: The director was stoic. She was a beacon of organization and power, of grace and strength. She was a pillar that held up the bureau on her own arms. The director was smooth and serious and if anything, disciplined.Lucretia, however, was two goddamn seconds from breaking down. Lucretia’s heart pounded in her chest and her face was scrunching up as she let out desperate, choked gasps. Lucretia was willing down a tumultuous, storming wail of grief.Lucretia had...A nightmare, simply a bad dream, an- an illusion, a figment of an overactive, anxious imagination.She saw the bureau of balance burn down.





	Mistakes Always

 

It was like a hell she had known before.

One hundred times before.

In the fire, N03113 carrying her partners in her arms as she searched for a way out. She saw Garfield the deals warlock in his eyesore storefront, staring grimly out the window like he had known this was coming. 

Outside the window, he was watching people chase Avi, who loaded anyone he could find into a vessel,

she saw Angus, oh hell, Angus, just a child, she was such a fool for hiring him he should be safe,

he was shouting at him, tears running down his frumpled face as Avi shoved closed the door. She saw the machinery burn Avi's hands as he pushed onward, sweating and swearing with a tight expression. 

She saw all of them desperately push back against the flames that sought to devour them and she saw them lose. 

 

Ash at her feet.

 

...and an umbrella.

 

She felt heat and adrenaline course through her and in a moment, broke it over her leg. She gasped and stumbled backward as the ghastly wails of Merle, Magnus, and Taako ripped forth from the broken umbrastaff. The visages warped and spun in the fizzling smoke produced.

She crumpled inward in horror. 

 

Her family.

 

She had seen Merle confused and terrified, his face torn in half by an anguished yell, his eyes pinpricks focused on Magnus, who had him pinned beneath him, trying in vain to protect him, to soak up the flames and save the day like an idiot, (she felt her eyes sting and kneaded them under her palms) he always tried to save them and he was simply resigned. Waiting, in a dull peacefulness to see his wife again. Lucretia had barely met her, had only seen glimpses of her precious light. It was a smile here, a joke there that made her understand why Magnus would try so hard to be who she could be proud of, and a feeling of warmth on the hand that shook hers when she dropped him off and asked, please, will he have a home here? 

 

Julia had said yes, always.

 

Davenport was behind them, ears flat on his head like a frightened cat hiding from the fire, hands outstretched before him like they could claw the fire out. She saw him flicker between animal and Captain, holding the steering wheel white-knuckle-tight and bringing them out of the fire in stomach-flipping twists and turns. 

 

The animal was winning. 

 

Taako was trying to blast back the fire with all the spells he had. He was shrinking himself, but standing over them all, in the last moment not sure whether to run or protect. He didn't know yet whether he deserved a family. Her eyes must be aging, her dream shaky, because in that moment, she saw double.

 

She felt her fists beat the ground until her knuckles were pale and bloody

 

and covered

 

in ash.

 

____

 

In the solitude of her bedroom, she was quiet as stone.

Madam Director would seem crazy to run around the moonbase, arms flailing and eyes searching out every person to know they were safe and unharmed. 

No. She would stay here and breathe until the storm lifted. 

 

But then again.

 

Lucretia could feel herself breaking.

If the foundation of a building broke, she reasoned, the house would come crashing down, facade and all.

 

“Davenport!” She called, suppressing the cracks in her voice.

 

“Davenport?”

 

“Could you bring me a list of the residents of the Moonbase?” 

 

“Davenport!”

 

Off he ran, and for a moment she felt her heartstrings tug. The dream had reminded her of what had been. She whispered a prayer of forgiveness as she waited for him to return. 

 

____

 

She was simply checking the progress of the Bureau for herself, she told Davenport as she entered one of the open areas of the base. 

 

Davenport nodded seriously. She dismissed him, and he tottered away again. 

 

Avi was one of the first. When she walked up behind him, he flipped around, hid a canteen in his coat, and smiled lopsidedly. 

 

“Hey Director!” He said a little too loudly.

 

“Good morning. How are things with you?”

 

As he talked, she made a checkmark next to his name in the roster. 

 

Then there was Johann, who was playing music for the voidfish. His eyes were closed in concentration. Lucretia stood in the shadows of the room and traced the lilting arcs of the melody with her heartbeat.

 

As she went down the list, she stopped at Carey's name. She, Killian, and N03113 were on a mission. Lucretia checked them off anyway. They would be back. 

 

The retrievers were in their apartment. She barely glanced at them, rushing past. She couldn't trust herself to stay longer than that. 

 

Lastly, she visited Angus. His face was buried in a book. She settled down in a chair next to him and asked him how he was.

 

He was good. He was learning some magic, which could help keep him safe. She nodded solemnly throughout the meeting as she let his voice become pleasant white noise circling her mind. She checked him off with a flourish. She was almost nodding off to the sound of his voice. She felt at peace. It was quiet and soft here…

 

“..Mi-Madam Director?” Angus caught himself on a wrong syllable and Lucretia jumped.

 

“Yes?” She asked slowly, after a moment to catch her breath. 

 

His eyes were soft. She hadn’t seen them quite like this before. Sympathetic, quiet. She tilted her head in curiosity.

 

“Are you ok?”

 

Damn, clocked by a mere child. 

 

She nodded with a slight smile to reassure him. 

 

He didn’t look convinced.

 

Damn.

 

She sighed, stood, and dusted her skirt. “I will be fine, Angus, you’d be better off watching out for yourself.”

 

Angus tilted his head, almost a copy of her own gesture. “Sure.”

 

She almost wanted to smile.


End file.
